Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
