Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
