It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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