I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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