Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
