i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I want to fling myself into the sun
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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