hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
