so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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