Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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