no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
