That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
