Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
