Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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