i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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