I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize