hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
