Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
