I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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