I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize