she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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