he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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