Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
