What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
