My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize