Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
