it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
