tell your sister to shave her snatch
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
