Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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