question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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