I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
