There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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