Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize