I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
