based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
