I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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