I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
