i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
