They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
