She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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