After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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