this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Randomize
