my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
