if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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