Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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