Swine flu. Run for my life!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
