He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
