I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
