Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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