a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
