in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
the liver wants what the liver wants
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
