Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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