Small penises have feelings too.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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