So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
