The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do vagina's smell?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
