I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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