my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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