I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I did not marry a roomba.
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