Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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