you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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