I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
