Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
