and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
