another moral hangover. fuck.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
