i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
