why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Randomize
